Lost In Silence
by naughtybeebsgirl
Summary: Lilith's keeping a secret. A secret that holds the key to her past and her future with the love she lost.
1. LIS1

Lost In Silence   
by Bethany   
Chapter One   
  
  
She looked down at the small piece of paper in her hands -- 303A. Yup, this was the room, she thought as she glanced down at her watch -- 9:29. Nervously, clutching her small, black purse, she opened the door, not knowing what lie ahead on the other side.   
  
"Dr. Sternin?" Her childlike voice perked up, as she peaked her head into the room. The woman behind the desk raised her eyes. As she stood up to make her way over to the girl, Madison noted she had a remarkably professional aura about her. The doctor extended a hand to the young woman. "Madison, I presume?" The girl just nodded her head, silently. "Very punctual," Lilith glanced at the clock. "9:30 on the dot."   
  
Madison swallowed nervously, her palms sweaty and hands shaking slightly at her sides. She didn't know what to expect from this session, and to put it bluntly -- she was scared to death. It was terrifying enough knowing she'd have to confess her emotional state to a complete stranger, but from the moment she walked into the room, she felt a chill, which made her all the more uneasy.   
  
"Why don't you seat yourself, and we'll get to work." She made her way over to the desk. From the looks of this woman, she obviously meant business. Her hair was pulled back into a tight, low-set bun and she wore a black, sleeveless dress, which would be cute, Madison thought to herself, if she would have just loosened up her hair a bit. She couldn't help but smile lightly as the thought of Dr. Sternin resembling Druscilla, the maniac vampiress on Buffy. "Let's just hope her fangs only come out at night, and not at 9:30 in the morning." She whispered to herself, under her breath.   
  
"What was that?" Lilith questioned the young patient.   
  
"I'm sorry, I was just... thinking to myself." She felt panicky, realizing she spoke aloud.   
  
"It's quite all right. Why don't we get started?" Madison nodded. She had always been a people-pleaser, ready to move at everyone's beckon call. She never knew how to speak up. Appeasing everyone was her way of keeping harmony -- well, everyone but her mother, whom she had no control with.   
  
"First -- do you prefer being called Madison or do you have a nickname?"   
  
"Well, you can call me Madison if you'd like. My friends call me Maddi, but Madison's fine."   
  
"I'd like you to think of me as a friend. I'll call you Maddi, if you don't mind." Lilith cracked a small smile, for the first time since Madison entered the room. And for the first time, Madison felt at ease -- she was human after all! Maddi's mind drifted off... the smile seemed as though it were dying to come out, yet at the same time it seemed as though it almost pained the doctor to do so. She wondered why that was, but pushed the thought back. 'Come on, Maddi... you're here to get help... not to analyze your psychiatrist!' She smiled back at Dr. Sternin.   
  
"Why don't you start by telling me about yourself?"   
  
Madison moved in her chair, uncomfortably. "Well, there's not much to tell."   
  
"Of course there is. What do you enjoy? What career goals do you hope to obtain? You'll be entering college this fall, will you not?" Dr. Sternin glanced down at her notebook, to make sure she had the correct information.   
  
"Oh, yes. I'll be attending the Boston Conservatory." Maddi watched as she made notes... it was unnerving, knowing that every little thing she said would be analyzed by the good doctor.   
  
"Your major?" She didn't look up from the paper, and Madison wondered what was going on through her head. Madison tossed her long, blonde locks off her shoulder.   
  
"Musical Theatre."   
  
"Oh, really?" Lilith looked up impressed. "So, you're a woman of the stage?"   
  
"I am."   
  
"Has this been a life-long dream?"   
  
Madison's face brightened. When she was lost in thoughts of the world of musical theatre, not even her worst fears could bother her -- she was in heaven. "Oh, ever since I can remember!" She moved to the edge of her seat, enthusiastically. "I started dancing when I was a little girl, as well as singing. The thrill of a story coming to life on a stage has just enthralled me since I can remember. People bursting into song and dance... the energy is incredible... it's what I live for!"   
  
Lilith cracked a small grin. "Well, you certainly are passionate about your chosen profession." Lilith smiled to herself, pleased with what she saw. If she could get the child comfortable with her, she was bound to open up by the next session and they could get right down to the root of the problem. Strategy proved to be her best friend in these situations.   
  
"Yeah," Madison paled a little, remembering where she was. "Too bad I'm the only one who feels that way..."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"My mother... well... she... well." Maddi stumbled over her words. It obviously wasn't an easy topic for her.   
  
"Go on..."   
  
"My mother is against it... she's a novelist, you see... it's a similar business. She wants me to lead a more stable life -- basically, she fears me pushing beers in a local pub the rest of my life."   
  
Lilith couldn't help but laugh. "I see."   
  
"Oh, don't get me wrong! She completely supports me as a performer, she just wants me to have something to fall back on."   
  
"Well, that is reasonable."   
  
"I suppose..."   
  
"Have any back-ups in mind?"   
  
"Well, my mother's boyfriend said they'll always be an opening for me at his pub, so..." She giggled a little, trying to lighten the mood. Lilith could see beyond her facade, however. She knew Maddi was hiding something.   
  
"Why are you here, Maddi?" Lilith looked at her concerned, her maternal instinct kicking in.   
  
"I just moved to Boston..." Madison looked down at her milk-white hands, willing back tears. "My mother and I moved here three weeks ago -- the day after my dad's funeral."   
  
Lilith handed her a box of tissues. "I'm so sorry." Maddi couldn't look up at the doctor, as she removed a tissue and dabbed her eyes.   
  
"She's not my mother." Her voice was barely audible.   
  
"Excuse me?" Lilith wasn't quite sure if she heard her correctly.   
  
Raising her big, blue eyes to meet Lilith's, she spoke softly. "I was adopted..."   
  
"Well, Maddi, in the eyes of the law she is..."   
  
"No, not by her." Lilith looked on confused. "My adoptive mother died in 1991, from ovarian cancer, when I was barely eight years old." Her voice caught, as she recalled the traumatizing event. "My dad... we moved out to LA, where he was to produce a movie. That's where he met her -- Diane." Lilith looked at the young girl, skeptically. "They married in 1994 and we moved back to New York City. Then, two months ago my dad went off on a business trip... on the way home... he... the plane..." She broke off, near tears.   
  
"It's all right, you don't have to go on if you don't want to."   
  
"He died when the jet crashed."   
  
"May I asked why you moved to Boston?"   
  
"This is my mother's home town... she reunited with this old flame last week... she just seems so at home here. I don't know... I feel so lost. I just, needed someone to talk to... to sort out my feelings... the thing is--" She paused, mid-sentence.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"I want to find my biological parents, but I don't know where to begin."   
  
"And you want me to help you?"   
  
Madison looked at her shyly. "Well, help me figure out how to go about doing so."   
  
Lilith smiled sadly. "I can't make you any promises, but we'll see what we can do. Meanwhile, I'd like you to attend my adoption support group this Wednesday night. I think you'll find much needed support there."   
  
"Okay." Madison rose from the chair, picking up her purse. "I'll see you Wednesday, then." She headed for the door.   
  
"Oh, Madison... if you don't mind my asking -- what is your mother's last name?"   
  
"Chambers. Have a nice afternoon, Dr. Sternin..." With a smile she exited the office, as Lilith just stared off at the door in utter amazement. 


	2. LIS2

Lost In Silence   
by Bethany   
  
Chapter Two   
  
  
  
All the days seemed to blend into one another, she thought as she entered the pitch-black penthouse. Her body felt limp as she threw her briefcase onto the chair and fell onto the couch. Glancing out a nearby window, she watched as the rain shimmered against the street lamp light. She couldn't keep up with this schedule anymore. Sure, it was fine when she was twenty-four, freshly out of school and eager to embrace life -- unfortunately those digits were now reversed and life had dealt her some pretty unpleasant cards.   
  
Wandering into her bedroom, she immediately changed out of the clothes she bore since 6:00am, into her silk pajamas. It was all she could do to stand up, yet she couldn't go to bed. Insomnia haunted her these days; well, since the day Frederick left for Seattle. Oh, she knew it was only for two weeks, but everything changed when he wasn't around. Her life felt empty without her son nearby -- he was the only thing that kept her going. She had suffered too many loses in her life, and it was an all too familiar feeling -- she only hoped and prayed it was one she'd never have to experience again, especially with her son. That's why she liked him close by.   
  
Frederick. She was sure he was having one hell of a time with his father while she sat there and sulked, remembering the days where he wouldn't have to go across the country to bond with the man he called "Dad". How long ago that was; but, they were all so happy. If only things had gone differently. Why hadn't they gone differently? It was all her fault, she knew, that was no mystery. All her lies and deceit... they were the destruction of the life she worked so hard for, the loss of the man she loved. The more she kept from him, the bigger the wedge that was forced between them. If she could have done it all over, she would have told him the truth from the very beginning. What is the point of a lasting relationship anyhow, if you couldn't share your torment, keeping it boggled down inside until it turned you into a bitter, cold, shrewd woman, which she knew was her destiny since that tragic day.   
  
  
  
  
1983.   
Streamers decked the large hall, music filling the ears of anyone who entered. Lilith slowly walked in, staring at the room full of people. It was nearly midnight already, but she was happy she made it there at all. She thought her mother would never leave, inspecting her new apartment from top to bottom. After giving her daughter her famous guilt-trip due to her lack of interest of spending the holiday with her dear old mother, Betty finally left the premises, giving Lilith the go ahead to attend the faculty party.   
  
It frightened her to some degree, being there among her new coworkers. It was completely surreal seeing the entire Psychology department incoherently dancing the night away. She didn't know them well, but from what she could assess they were all stuffed shirts. The irony of the situation was uncanny.   
  
Out of nowhere, a hand fell upon her shoulder. "Dr. Sternin, how nice of you to join us this evening." Lilith turned to face her future husband.   
  
"Why, Dr. Crane... I do believe you're drunk."   
  
Frasier let out a chuckle. "A little tipsy, perhaps, but I assure you, not drunk." Lilith smiled. She had been smitten with him since the day he came to her office and introduced himself. "Would you care for a scotch, Dr. Sternin?"   
  
"Please." She gladly accepted the drink.   
  
As a voice-over started counting down from ten, Frasier slyly slid his arm around Lilith's waist, alarming her a bit, but sending shivers down her spine at the same time. "Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one..." Before Lilith realized, Frasier's lips were pressed against hers. By the time her glass met the floor, she was lost in his embrace. "Happy New Year." He whispered against her ear. Those were the last words she could recall, for after that, the evening blurred into the morning.   
  
Lilith yawned, stretching her arms out above her head, as she blinked her eyes, rolling over onto... Frasier?! She sat up, horrified. Where was she? She quickly looked at the clock, clutching the sheet up against her -- 8:47am. Looking back down at Frasier, she cringed thinking about the damage this would do to her career. Some professional... she had to get out of there before he woke. That's what she would do. He'd never have to know, right? If she didn't recall the events of last night, there was no way he could. After all, he was smashed. That was it. She could cover her tracks, and her secret would be safe. Frasier was transferring out to the Berkshires next week anyhow. She could avoid him until then. She could and she would. What were the odds of their paths ever crossing again? Very low, she was sure.   
  
After getting dressed, she exited his apartment as fast as her legs would take her. Little did she know, that night would prove to be the beginning of her inevitable downfall.   
  
  
  
  
  
Biting her lip, tears stung her eyes as she reflected on her life. Sadly, she opened her closet door, reaching back to the far right. Pulling out a large, pink portfolio, trimmed with off-white lace, she walked back over to the bed. She curled up under the comforter, clutching onto the book as if it were gold.   
  
Carefully, she opened it up to find a picture of the small child who tormented her thoughts. Under the picture, in large letters, was printed: Magdalen Elizabeth Crane. The little girl's large blue eyes stared up at her mother, tearing Lilith's heart into a million shreds. Her fingers traced the small frame of the child, as tears slid down her cheeks. Her voice cracked, as she flipped the pages. "My precious little girl..." It killed her to look at the photos, yet she couldn't help herself. Wiping the drops of tears from her eyes, she closed the portfolio and held it closely to her chest. "Goodnight, my sweet little princess."   
  
The anguish which raced through her veins was unbearable. Reaching for the receiver, she dialed an oddly familiar number. Once. Twice. Three times the phone rang until someone picked up.   
  
"Hello?" The tired voice echoed from the other end.   
  
"Frasier..." Her voice was shaking, as she spoke softly. "It's me... we need to talk." 


	3. LIS3

Lost In Silence   
by Bethany   
Chapter Three   
  
  
"Lilith...?" He blinked his eyes a bit, fully waking up. He sat in his bed, waiting for an answer. Sensing the tremor in the silence from the other end, he spoke again. "Lilith? Are you okay?" His voice softened. "Talk to me..."   
  
Finding her voice, she stumbled over her words, not sure why she had called in the first place. She couldn't tell him now. It wasn't the right time or place to discuss such a serious matter. "I'm sorry I woke you, Frasier... I just needed to talk to someone."   
  
"Is it the nightmare again?"   
  
Lilith paused, deciding to go with the cards he dealt her. They had been exchanging numerous late-night phone calls over the past few months, and this wasn't the first time she had come so close to spilling her guts to him. Eventually, she had made up some ridiculous story about a recurring nightmare which haunted her dreams. If he only deciphered the metaphor behind her facade, he would know the true nightmares which filled her thoughts day in and day out. Only those nightmares weren't her subconscious playing cruel maniacal tricks on her -- no, those nightmares were the events of her past that haunted her every waking moment.   
  
The guilt she felt for keeping her secret from Frasier was just as bad as the pain she bore for fifteen years. He was always there for her. She could call any hour of the day, and he would make time to share his words of wisdom and comfort with her, if only to momentarily relieve her of her agony. Their platonic relationship had blossomed over the past year, growing a firmer foundation than that they shared in all their years of marriage. This unspoken secret would prove to be the true test of their relationship. Could their friendship stay strong even through such a calculating deceit? Lilith didn't want to discover that answer.   
  
"Yes..." She sniffed, the nagging voice inside telling her not to lie to him any longer. "It seems every time I think they're gone, they just come back to smack me in the face again."   
  
"Oh, Lilith... this has gone on too long. We really should try to find out where these nightmares have rooted from..." Lilith panicked. "Have you reconsidered hypnosis?"   
  
"Frasier, I've told you over and over again... I'm not going to be hypnotized. I'm sure the reasons behind the nightmares are insignificant. They'll surface eventually." Frasier sighed from the other end of the phone. "I really don't know how else to help you, Lilith. You refuse the only option I can come up with."   
  
"Just reassure me that Frederick is all right and I'll try to get some sleep."   
  
"He's fine."   
  
"That's all I needed. Have Frederick call me tomorrow when he gets a chance."   
  
"Will do." He paused. "Love you."   
  
"Love you, too." Her voice drifted off, as a tear trickled down her cheek and she returned the phone to the receiver.   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~   
  
  
Madison panicked as she hurried down the hallway, trying to find the correct room. Whenever there was some mishap in her plans, her anxiety turned her into a complete scatter brain. Not a moment later she stood before the same door she had entered that rainy day two mornings ago. She clutched on to the damp umbrella as her other hand slowly turned the knob, until she stood in front of a room full of people, all varying in age. She completely forgot for the moment that she was drenched from head to toe.   
  
"I'm so sorry I'm late... my car stalled... and I had to walk a block... I..."   
  
"Take a seat, Maddi." Lilith motioned to a chair beside her. Madison made her way across the room, and sat beside the doctor, staring into the circle of unfamiliar faces. "Everyone, I'd like you to welcome Maddi to group." Madison felt awkward as they all said their own variation of 'welcome.' "We were just checking in."   
  
"Checking in?" Maddi automatically felt stupid, questioning the term in front of all those strangers.   
  
"Yes, we check in by introducing yourself, telling why you're here, telling how you feel emotionally, then setting a short term goal for the week that will help you in achieving the ultimate goal which led you here."   
  
Madison stared at her, trying to absorb everything said. "Riley was just about to check in. Why don't you listen to her and see what I mean. Then you can give it a go." Madison watched Lilith as she talked, her legs crossed just so, her hands neatly placed on her lap. Then she turned her attention to the girl sitting on the other side of Dr. Sternin. She had long, wavy, raven tresses that draped over her creamy white shoulders. Her blue eyes smiled warmly at Madison as to silently say, "Welcome." Madison smiled back, feeling more at ease by the minute.   
  
"Okay, I'm Margaret O'Reilly. Everyone calls me Riley, except for my mother, who calls me Maggie."   
  
Madison watched as everyone said, "Hi, Riley."   
  
"Well, I'm here because I was adopted. I'm still undecided on searching for my birth parents." Maddi's mind started drifting, as her foot bounced up and down, nervously, gently nibbling on the tips of her fingers. She looked at Lilith, who was watching Riley's every move. There was some spark in her eyes, Maddi noted, something that made Maddi believe Dr. Sternin could relate to everything the young girl was saying, on one level or another.   
  
"And my goal is to talk to my mom to see exactly where she stands on my considering to search for my biological parents."   
  
"An excellent goal, Riley." Lilith jotted down a few quick notes before turning to Madison, who was off in a daze. "Maddi?"   
  
"Hmmm?" She looked to see a bunch of eyes staring her down like she was their latest prey. "My turn?" She smiled, nervously, as Lilith nodded for her to go ahead.   
  
"Well, my name is Madison Westmore, and I'm obviously new here."   
  
"Hi, Madison." They all said within a matter of brief intervals.   
  
She smiled sweetly. "I'm here because... well... I was adopted. My, um... my parents..." She paused, as her voice choked up. How embarrassing to break down in front of a room full of complete strangers. A warm hand suddenly appeared on her back, moving in comforting circles. "It's okay, Maddi. That's why you're here... to let it all out." Lilith said in a low whisper. "My father just died..." Her voice cracked to the extent they wouldn't have understood what she was saying had they not read her lips. "My mother died when I was eight... I'm currently living with my father's second wife, who has played the role as my mother for the past nine years. After years of debating with myself, I've finally decided to search for my biological parents." She looked up helplessly at Lilith. "What else am I supposed to say?"   
  
"How are you feeling emotionally?"   
  
"I'm okay, I guess."   
  
"'Okay' doesn't cut it here. Let it all out. You can swear, scream, yell... whatever it takes."   
  
"You want to know how I truly feel? I'm terrified. I'm terrified at the prospect of finding my parents. I'm angry... I'm angry at them... I'm angry at myself. Why did they leave me? Why didn't they want me? What if I find them, only to lose them again, just as I've lost everyone else that I love." She paused, extremely embarrassed for blurting everything out.   
  
"Don't stop, Maddi... let it all out."   
  
"I don't know... I guess I'm just confused. I hate the feeling of walking down the street, wondering if I just passed my mother, or if my father is the man standing beside me on the subway. I guess I'm just afraid to find them. I mean, what if they aren't what I expected? What if they aren't what I've fantasized them to be? At the same time, I want to meet them more than anything. All the thoughts that go through my mind... do I look like my mother? Or my father? Or both? Maybe my father is some famous actor who doesn't even know I exist. Maybe that's where my love for theatre developed. I don't know... it's so much easier to dream about what they may be... what will happen when I'm finally faced with the truth? I can't go back."   
  
"I know exactly how you feel." Riley broke the silence. "Believe me, those thoughts race through my mind every day. I just don't think you should let your fears get the best of you."   
  
"I know... that's why I'm here."   
  
"And we're all glad you are. We'll all help you in whatever way we can. Do you have a goal?"   
  
"My goal is to locate my adoption papers. Most of my father's things have been locked up in storage since his death. I'm going to make a few phone calls in the morning to make arrangements to go look for them."   
  
"Thank you, Madison. Well, everyone. That's all for this evening... I'll see you all next week, same time." They all shared good-byes, and Riley ran over to Maddi, just as she started to make her way out of the door. "Here's my cell. I'm on my way to work, but call me in the morning. Maybe we can do lunch or something. Chow!" Before Maddi could edge a word in, Riley was down the hall, waving back at her. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the scribbled number on the small piece of paper. Maybe this move to Boston wasn't so bad after all. Approaching the door, she nearly stepped out into the rain until she noticed the absence of her umbrella.   
  
Hurriedly, Madison made her way back up to Dr. Sternin's office. She knocked lightly, letting herself in when she didn't get a response. As she walked in, her eyes immediately caught sight of the doctor slumped over on her desk, small whimpers echoing throughout the room. Madison stood in the doorway, uneasily. "Dr. Sternin?" Lilith looked up at the sound of her voice. "Madison." She turned a crimson red, as she tried recomposing herself in front of her young patient. "Can I help you with something?"   
  
"No, I just forgot my umbrella, I'll just... if you don't mind my asking, are you all right?"   
  
"I'm fine. Really." But her eyes told Madison otherwise. "Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed to cry in front of me." Maddi smiled angelically. Walking over to Lilith, she sat beside her. "Wanna talk?" Lilith let a smile creep through her tears. "And what exactly is your going rate, Miss Westmore?"   
  
"Eh, for you... a grande mocha and a peanut butter cookie will suffice."   
  
"Starbucks?"   
  
"Perfect!"   
  
Before Lilith could conceive what was happening, Madison was practically dragging her down the hall, across the street, and around the block to the nearby coffeehouse. 


	4. LIS4

Lost In Silence  
by Bethany  
  
Chapter Four   
  
  
Madison watched as the boy brought the two coffees back to the counter. "And how much will that be?" She started sifting through her wallet, appearing to take the money out, when her hand slyly knocked it to the floor. "Oh, clumsy me." She bent down to retrieve it, all the while looking up to confirm her suspicions of the watchful eyes carefully examining her. Standing back up, she smiled sweetly at the young man. "How much did you say it was?" She perked up again. "It's on the house." He blushed as he handed her the hot beverages and large cookies. "Oh, thank you!" She graciously accepted, picking up the food in one swift swoop and making her way to the nearby table before he had time to realize what had just happened.   
  
"How on earth did you manage that?" Lilith stared at the young girl, trying to masque the laughter that was dying to surface. "What did I tell you? It works like a charm! It's all in the timing... I can teach you... it takes practice, but I'm confident you have what it takes." She grinned, obviously quite proud of her accomplishments. Lilith didn't know whether to admire or fear the girl's pride in such a calculating and manipulative behavior. One thing she was sure of -- the kid was extremely bright to contrive such a scheme. This one perhaps not as elaborate as some she had shared before displaying her artful skills, but good enough all the same.   
  
"Am I to assume you do this quite often?" Lilith tried not to smile, deciding it was best not to encourage the practice.   
  
"Eh..." She shrugged. "I am going to be a poor college student as of the fall... gotta have some resources." That did it. Lilith finally laughed. "Of course."   
  
"So, anyway... enough about me." Madison sipped her mocha casually. "We came here to discuss you, or rather, for your therapy session. So, go ahead," Maddi crossed her legs, putting on the most serious face she could conjure up. "I'm listening."   
  
This little display amused Lilith, and for a moment, there was something oddly familiar about Madison. Her stance, her expression, her all around presence... as if an alarm set off in Lilith's subconscious. In a brief moment, the young woman who entered her office several days earlier transformed into the spitting image of the beloved child who was ripped from Lilith's life many years ago.   
  
"Magdalen..." Lilith whispered, a little louder than intended.   
  
"What?" The girl retorted, obviously confused by Lilith's sudden outburst.   
  
"Magdalen..." She examined the young lady's features, paling as she took on an even more deathlike complexion. It was quite obvious Madison was becoming more and more uncomfortable. Lilith caught sight of this and quickly looked away, trying to recompose herself. "My daughter." She whispered, trying to compensate her behavior with the explanation Madison came there to hear.   
  
"Your daughter?" Madison was careful, afraid of stepping on dangerous territory. The doctor just nodded, bringing her attention back to Madison. "I wasn't aware you had a daughter..." She said, cautiously. She then caught glance of a single tear slowly making it's way down Lilith's cheek. The pain in Lilith's eyes was a pain Madison was all too familiar with.   
  
"Maddi..." Her voice was soft, a bit shaky. "I've never told anyone this before. It's a secret I've carried with me for many years now. It's just... it's very hard for me to talk about."   
  
"It's okay, take your time..." Was all she could say, without feeling like a complete moron. Here she had been whining about her problems to this woman, when she had so much emotional baggage just waiting to surface herself. Madison had just assumed this woman who had been counseling her had it all together. As naive an assumption it may have been, Madison still felt dumbfounded as she tried to console her doctor by putting an arm around her shoulder.   
  
"My little girl... she's been missing the past fifteen years." Madison handed her a tissue, as she listened, at a complete loss for words. Lilith sniffled, wiping some tears as she continued. "It's been so long, you'd think the pain would have numbed by now, but... no matter what I do, she's just always there... in my thoughts." Lilith paused, looking up at Madison. Her heart raced as she pondered the prospect of her daughter seated right beside her, after all these years. Could it be? Could her sweet little girl really have come home to her? Lilith could feel that she was setting herself up for disappointment with each passing moment, but it was a risk she felt she had to take. Her heart quenched as she instinctively brushed a strand of hair from Madison's face and looked her directly in the eyes as she spoke.   
  
"There is no greater pain than that of losing your child. And I'm sure, without a doubt, that your mother misses you greatly. That's why I'm going to do everything within my power to help you find her." She smiled warmly as she caressed the young girl's cheek. "And then some." 


	5. LIS5

Lost In Silence   
by Bethany  
  
  
Chapter Five   
  
  
  
Walking through the front door, she felt a strange sense of deja vu. It had been years since she stepped foot in this place, but strangely, nothing had changed. Over in the far right corner of the bar sat Norm Peterson on the very same stool which surely he had occupied day in and day out over the course of the past fifteen years. Beside Norm resided his side kick -- Cliff Clavin. Of course, this didn't surprise Lilith. She was sure they'd be side by side till the very end. Theirs surpassed devotion to the bar. No, they had no lives outside this place. They were trapped, as if they were stuck in a stale, tedious marriage to Cheers.   
  
Behind the counter stood Sam Malone, chipper as always, pouring his friends drinks and pushing a draft in Norm's direction. Despite newfound gray hair and added pounds in several parties, it was as if time had paused and she had never left this place that had become her home away from home. Everything was exactly how she left it, minus the two doctors seated directly across from Norm and Cliff.   
  
Lilith walked up to the bar, brushing her raven locks from her face. She peeled off the tight cardigan she bore, revealing the pink tank top which blended in with her floral printed capris. Placing her purse on the bar, she heard a low, demeaning whistle as she looked up.   
  
"Well, hello there, sweetheart. What can Sammy get you this fine morning?"   
  
Lilith rolled her eyes. "You can get me Madison Westmore. I was supposed to meet her here," She glanced down at her watch. "Ten minutes ago."   
  
Sam stood there stunned, as the stout woman approached the bar, forming a hex with her fingers. "Which graveyard did you return from?" Lilith could feel a room full of eyes staring her down. "It's nice to see you again, too, Carla." Lilith tried to remain cool, but the woman had always gotten on her last and final nerve.   
  
"Lilith, I hadn't even recognized you. You look... amazing. What happened? I mean, er, what--"   
  
"Why, thank you, Sam. I suppose your moronic ramblings are endearing in a way. Is Maddi around?"   
  
"Madison? Why on earth would you want Madison?" Diane approached the corner. Lilith suddenly felt as though she were being ganged up on, as they all circled around her. "Dr. Sternin!" A wave of relief consumed Lilith as the young girl appeared.   
  
"Madison, darling." Diane slid her arm around her daughter's shoulders. "You didn't inform me you were acquainted with Dr. Sternin."   
  
"I don't have to tell you everything, Mother." There was a vindictiveness in her voice which told Lilith she held a great deal of resentment towards Diane. Lilith observed the interaction between mother and daughter, and pain soon replaced her curiosity as she envisioned her own daughter, all grown up. All the rebellious adolescent jargon she had missed out on. The events in which a mother and daughter look back on many years down the road, and laugh about together over coffee. All the milestones in her daughter's life were gone... ripped from Lilith's grasp. Precious memories never to be replaced. Someone else held those memories that rightfully belonged to Lilith, and God help her if Diane was the one who possessed them.   
  
Diane looked hurt by Maddi's revelation, which Madison caught sight of, quickly trying to repair the damage already done. "I'm sorry." She said, sheepishly. Madison and Lilith exchanged glances before she continued. "If you must know, Dr. Sternin is tutoring me."   
  
"Tutoring you?" Diane looked shocked.   
  
"Tutoring you?" Lilith echoed back, confused.   
  
"Madison, if you were having trouble in school, you could have come to me."   
  
"It was just in psych, and, well... no offense, Mother, but I think she's more qualified in the area. She came highly recommended by Ludlow."   
  
"Are you still seeing that boy? What did I tell you about dating a Tortelli?"   
  
"Watch it, Stick. That's my son you're talking about."   
  
"Mother, we aren't dating!"   
  
"Wait... you're in school? What happened to summer vacation? Did I miss something?" Norm perked up, a step behind in the conversation.   
  
Lilith sat back and watched the conversation before her in awe. Madison lied so flawlessly that it was unnerving. She couldn't quite figure the girl out. It was obvious she didn't want Diane knowing her business, so she decided to send her on a little detour in discovering the truth.   
  
"Madison is taking several classes at Emerson, Norman." Diane said, proudly. "She values her education and thrives off learning."   
  
"Actually, it was just for something to do this summer." She said nonchalantly. "Emerson corresponds with Boston Conservatory, so all my credits will count."   
  
"Madison, I still can't believe you're having trouble. You've been doing so well in psychology. What happened?"   
  
Madison looked at Lilith nervously, afraid to be caught in her lie.   
  
"It's not that she was doing poorly, Diane." Lilith finally spoke. "She had a project in the class which she didn't know how to approach. She just needed a little push in the right direction, so she came to me for help."   
  
Diane looked dumbfounded. "What's the project on?"   
  
"The effects on the psychosocial and academic functioning of children and adolescents suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and the use of cognitive-behavioral treatment." She conjured up a faux project, as Madison stood behind Diane mouthing a big, 'Thank You' to Lilith. Diane just looked on skeptically.   
  
"Well, if you'll excuse me. We have to get to work. Sam, could I please have the afternoon off?"   
  
Sam sighed, reluctantly. "Why not. It would truly be a sin for any of my waitresses to complete a single shift."   
  
"Thank you!" Madison squealed in her usual bubbly tone. Grabbing Lilith's hand, they left the bar and started down Beacon Street.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Well, don't keep me in suspense any longer..." Maddi giggled, skipping in front of Lilith, waiting for her answers.   
  
"Slow down." Lilith laughed, a grin forming across her face. Madison's energy was contagious. "Well, I made several phone calls."   
  
"And...?"   
  
"And you were right. Your father had all your assets frozen."   
  
"Damnit."   
  
"Wait, you impatient girl. I wasn't finished. In his will, he stated they were only to be frozen until the day of your 18th birthday." Madison grinned wildly. "All your father's possessions are locked away in a safe in New York City. We had two options. We could have waited for them to ship you his belongings after filling out endless paper work, which would have taken, all together, a good two or three weeks. I, however, took the liberty of canceling all my appointments for the rest of the week and booked us a hotel right in the middle of Times Square." She pulled out several tickets from her purse, flashing them in front of Madison's face. "I hope you're a Sondheim and a Kander and Ebb fan because we have fourth row orchestra seats for Into the Woods and Chicago this weekend."   
  
Madison's eyes bulged from her head. "I love you!" Was all she could say as she took the tickets from Lilith's hand and threw her arms around her neck. Lilith beamed seeing the child so happy. "Go home and pack your bags. We have a train to catch in an hour." 


End file.
